pushbaby's Xanga

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Tue, 03 Apr 2007 02:06:27 GMT

At home now and I smell my grandma's homemade noodles from Roger's room I was going to type an entry...but....food calls! yes.That's my facial expression of the moment,lol.Buh bye

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Thu, 08 Mar 2007 19:28:56 GMT

So today is day 2 of recovery process I happened to be sick for about a week and a half, until yesterday I got really sick and ended up not going to class and today the same.

I realized that I never went to the Doctor's before when I was majorly sick because I figured that when I was at home, Chinese medicine would help me get better and I usually stick with it and refused to go to the Doctor. The minute I woke up I became completely nauseous and figured the chest pains/congestedness would go away. Turns out, I ended up going to my Economics class, didn't even stay for about 10 minutes, and had to leave because I really wasn't feeling well.

I found out that I had the Flu and a little Broncitus with on tope of that a 103 fever it didn't hit me why the temperature was bad until I realized that was not normal body temperature. I think I was hallucinating and trying to stay awake in the office.I lost my voice again,have a headache from literally sleeping all day ( I mean, sleep is good, but too much led me to have a migraine it seemed), and I can't stop spitting because of the awful aftertaste of the medicine that was prescribed to me. I got sick from Elana basically, then she spread it to my roomie, and the next just had to be me. (Elana has been sick for about 3 weeks, so hopefully she gets better today). I never missed classes before until something like this hit me hard and I feel like my body's really weak at this point.

I think I'm getting "better" today considering yesterday I couldn't stand up straight and my Mom laughed at me when I jammed my head in the wall accidently. I really hope I get better by next week because I already know I have to make up a test and my midterm was suppose to be today for one of my classes...so I'll be making that up too.

Stay warm and hopefuly non of you all get sick~

Sunday, December 31, 2006

Sun, 31 Dec 2006 02:31:55 GMT

What a day yesterday From the time of October I was so excited about the whole get-together and its so crazy how time flew by so quick through the days and months and yesterday was yet another day gone by and another memory to reminisce about

I must mention that I hope you are feeling better JENN! and that the whole groupie of course missed the Wongs and the Ko's But I hope you peeps are doing swell~

Too much craziness yesterday and I'm gonna try and sum up everything I possibly can

Elana sleepin over my house and me wakin up for her at 5 amish becuz the girl needed to be fed with medicine,Kathy, Kevin, Dave (met him again since its been two years from Kevin's birthday party I remember)coming over first and I was abruptly awoken by Kevin's crazy knock at the door! Choyi coming in literally 5 secs later,hugs and prezzies and a warning from Choyi not to eat the HelloKitty lollipop (although I was tempted to,lol), I kept stalling myself on time and when to get outta my PJ's...talked and watched 40-year old Vigin(didn't expect that but thanks Kevin? lol) sick to my stomach at a lot of the parts but I think I was ok....I hope... Katsui came and was quite a poker you were! twas alright. Then waiting till Lynn, Kyle, Derrick, Doug, and Will finally coming

I felt like a huge majority of the day I was heating up (maybe from recuperating from the sickness for so long) but I'm just glad I can finally breathe again! well...sorta. I just had to get my "dot" that morning...so every punch,poke,flick,kick to my tummy caused me to "scream" in my head for the pain I was inflicted with

Yesterday was a day of slaps with Doug and Kyle and random foot massages on my back that made me wanna double slap the heck outta them both tripping/biting/pinching from Choyi (OW),headlock from Dicklick when I was thinking about hugging him at first...but the boy clearly still wants to beat me up,lol. Lynnie "stealing" Dicklick's cellie and was funny for that brief moment when he couldn't find it and after we both hid in different places, lmao.(WAY TO BLAME me and Loofa first Dicklick! especially me...gosh) Kevin/Will/Dave/Kyle/Doug playing with my massager thingy that the Wongs gave to me and feeling the vibration on the floor,lol.Choyi and Elana randomly dancing when we ate pizza ( I took a long time to finish my 1 slice,lol) and them two playing with my hair while I talked to Katherine in the beginning ( frenchbraid? I don't know), card pyramids,BS,Big 2, more slapping betweeen Doug, me, and Kyle and Douggie kept pillow whacking me!and kyle "distracting me" and slapping in slow motion was just pleasant,lol. A brief moment I have no idea how the subject of where my "ticklish" spot is, but ppl pokin me (*cough cough Kyle* who needs to know where it is since he hasn't known for awhile,lmao), my Las Vegas bear that Dicklick gave to me was stripped many times and shirt held for hostage too! major camera paparzzi,3 movies total with watching the Wicker Man ( the commercial I thought made it scary, but it really wasn't!) and John Tucker Must Die Food from WinOn with Mommy deliverying ( and the 3 boxes of Pizza too), coke on Fluffy and Will ended up confessing he had done it (she's still in the process of being soft again after me completely soaking her last night after that incident),Kevin/Kathy/Dave had to leave early but it was real fun I hope with you peeps! Then playing with Douggie on SPIT and him goin completely nuts on me ( the beginnings of his madness), then having the rest of us play NUMBERS and going intense into the game and Lynn and I suffered equally from the times Dicklick slapped and gave us MORE cards,lol.Then Cho leaving, and later Loofa and Katsui leaving about an hour after but those girlies are cooler than Katsui ANY day Me slapping Doug in the left ear when he annoyed me and caused him to "slighty" go deaf according to him XD Roger MIA for awhile and peepleos worried for the boy too! Where'd he go? we may never know...lol.And then having Lynnie, Kyle without a nickname, Dicklick, Douggie,Will-yum, and me played more games of Numbers (yes, more pillow whacking/screaming/slapping/and yelling from Douggie, lmao), Dicklick going nuts as well and him breaking our star sorta from moving the couch,lol. Then having to explain to Roger about his lil accident ( Lynnie and I surrounded by intense testosterone territory for sure!) still...crazy fun and leaving at 1:30m-ish was lovely~ I miss everyone's Hugs (the tight ones are the oh-so memorable ones, aka Bearhugs,lol). Three years on the same date and let's go for another whoping year next holiday if it is alright~ Thanks for the presents all ( lol, my first scarf from Choyi and then another from Lynnie and Kyle without a nickname! lmao ). I loved all of it and can't wait till nexttime for another great hangout Thanks so much~

and most importantly a very Happy belated Birthday to Suki on her birthday too yesterday! feel better Jenn

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Thu, 21 Dec 2006 02:09:48 GMT

So yesterday I joined my Mom to go to Flushing to finish the last part (as my Mom refers to it) of my Grandma's process in the Buddhist temple. From 10am-4:47pm about of a process of Monks reading from the book (super fast as I tried to follow), lots of praying, incents, and a heck of a lot of kneeling. I didn't stay for about an hour because I went to do more shopping for Christmas w/ Opheria it was nice, and I totally spoiled my lil cousins I ended up buying her a singing bird...she was really fascinated I didn't think she wanted it~ my cousins attacked me with hugs as I left and they really didn't want me to leave,lol. PLUS...my long hair has has been hacked offthere goes 2 years of growing my hair and in the process of an hour...all has been lost~

Anyways, I realized yesterday as I went to bond more with the family (well whoever was able to make it). I was fascinated that I saw about 5 girl monks before (and I have never knew girls could be that until this year mind you) and from how that was their lifestyle(guys and girls) and they are so used to it.For some reason, my knees really started to hurt and we were on cushions the entire time! But I didn't want to think of the pain because it was for my Grandma's benefit and I don't like to feel like the selfish one. Plus I have so much to learn what goes on in a temple because I was absolutely clueless, and that was the part that sucked the most. But I feel as if this year tradition is really hitting me the most. And its weird that something so tragic has to hit me to think this way and make me realize it the most

I still miss her and its hard to make my Mom feel better sometimes.I continue to try and be there for her and say the "right" things hopefuly and not get into a fight if that works out~

Happy Holidays all if I don't update and until nexttime

R.I.P always and forever~

Grandma 11-1-2006, Derrick's Grandma 11-7-2006 ( I can't believe you passed away so soon and dicklick never expected you to be gone and I had to find out on my b-day), Amir 12-14-2006 (I will miss buying cards at your store and its a tragedy how you passed so soon and your kids were just growing up)

Friday, December 08, 2006

Fri, 08 Dec 2006 20:04:56 GMT

This will be perhaps one of the shortest entries of this remaining month...for those who hate my long ones

Too much to do and so little time to do it all...ERGH!ok, first things first...GOOD LUCK to all the college peeps on FINALS! its major crunch time for me this weekend and until my finals are DONE by thursday afternoonwho will join me as I "jump for joy" afterwards?lol Until then, good luck, not gonna be online and taking away basically anything that distracts me.Yeah, discipline time once AGAIN. BUT major GOOD LUCK to all you freakishly smart peeps

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY...a very HAPPY EARLY 17th BIRTHDAY to Miss Jenn Wong I hope you have a wonderful birthday Jenn and there's just been too many memories to recall that if it were to fit in a "box"...it would most definitely BURST BEST OF LUCK to you always and have an awesome birthday and I love ya girl with all my soul

AH! and also a very Happy Birthday to Joanne too! ^.^ (December 14th) teehee XD sorries~

Friday, November 03, 2006

Fri, 03 Nov 2006 01:04:47 GMT

R.I.P Grandma 11-1-2006

I thought venting out this past Monday was the way I would relieve my stress...I don't know if it really did but I do know that this week was going to be unforgettable for me to remember now~

" I wanted to be there to say goodbye, not hear the sadness from Mom on the cell on Halloween, but to be there in New Jersey where everybody was. I'll never forget how much I prayed for you to survive through the coma,and when you did, I was happy to know you'd be healthier again. But god "disappointed me" that unforgettable night and it will take time for me to pick up the broken pieces of my heart for a long time. YOU were suppose to live to be at my Wedding one day and growing up I always dreamed of wanting you and the other grandparents to be there...I am envious now that you got to be at the other cousin's weddings and you were suppose to see the little ones grow up too and now I can only have you live on in my heart. Yesterday had to be one of the most horrible days of my life just hearing Mom tell me on the cell right after I came from work. I felt like I was last to know.Actually, I think I was last to know. The minute I saw the 7 missed calls had to be one of the scariest moments in my life.Walking back to the dorm crying felt like someone stabbed me in the heart and the back of my body ached all over. I can never enjoy Halloween as I used to anymore because just hearing Mom say she had to go to New Jersey that night and told me you weren't "going to make it" and she had to rush to be by your side along with everyone else led me to worry and cry for you that night.I hate Halloween now. My roommate found me on the floor crying hysterically yesterday night and I felt like I didn't know what to do.And what I hate more is having to remember that you passed away 6 days before my Birthday and I really thought we would see eachother again. My heart feels so heavy and I miss you terriby now. The tears have been endless since the day I found out you were sick and yesterday has been an emotional wreck for me when talking to Mom on how she is doing.Some of my friends at school were too nervous to approach me because they have never seen me so sad like this before. I wish I was there to say goodbye to you where I should have been. I am in denial and today as I walked to classes I thought you were next to me because I remember before you left Roger and me in August, I knew how anxious you were to come and see if I would be safe here @ Post and how much Mom told you how beautiful the campus was.I wish you came to see me here.You left me too early and as I just began basically "growing up" and starting a "life". I love you with all my heart and I will pray for you always wherever you are now. Take care and you are FOREVER in my broken heart."

Mom told me yesterday that I will have to see Grandma in the Buddhist temple on Tuesday.I don't want to remember my birthday now having to know how sad I will be instead of being "happy" that I'm turning 19 that day.I already expect to miss classes too and I know I would never miss a class unless it were something so important.This weekend will be different because instead of only stressing now that I have work to do...sadness has joined along and has already conquered my mind. I wasn't prepared for this.

Monday, October 30, 2006

Mon, 30 Oct 2006 21:33:58 GMT

I don't know what it is with me,but for the past two and a half weeks I went through stress from school obviously and finally it "died' down sorta this past thursday, and then now it has come back again

My rough weeks all started basically when I had to sign up for spring semester classes for next semester...and as I had a whole 4 year plan to graduate, everything just seemed to backfire and now I feel stuck. I went through an emotional rollercoaster practically last year when it was time to apply to colleges, the endless visits to guidance, SATs and it was just always school. And I didn't want to be reminded of what pain I went through last school year, but the 2 1/2 weeks I had, I felt like it was just as bad. I thought I escaped "SATs" back in high school...but no. It carried on with me @ Post and now my 4-year plan has got me screwed, and I already hated the SATs...but now I hate it even more (if that makes sense). I never wanted to take summer classes or even consider it...but now I'll most likely have to because I will be short on credits,which is not good, and won't be considered a "sophomore" unless I get all the necessary 30 credits by this year

Along with me finding out the day when I listened to my counselor explaining to me on what I had to do from now on...it only got worse as I had papers to do...which I knew to expect but didn't think it would stress me out.And then came midterms and it really doesn't help when I have a hardcore Composition professor, a blind and deaf western civilization professor (somehow he picks up on what we're saying sometimes,strange) and talked behind my back because I made a point about his midterm and he thought I was "crazy" for coming up to him and saying it to his face ( I was practically yelling so he could hear me),and an old women as my reading and interpretation professor who doesn't get it that if she has something negative to say about me...she should be considerate and tell me outside...not in front of the entire classFreshmen seminar seems like to be the ony decent class I like... and the thing is, I feel bad when I have to complain since I'm only taking 12 credits, and I know there are so many friends that are taking 15-18 credits and I have sympathy for that.It justs...I don't know...I didn't expect to know how much work I would have for a 12 credits semester.

Then from the stress I had, it wasn't too good for me to go in with a positve attitude for work because all I felt was sad/pissed/mad whenever I was in (and I know thats not the way to act). 10 hours per week can be pretty hectic sometimes...especially since I work in a guidance counselor type of atmosphere and it was just too crazy when people signed up for classes and appointments were takin. And work at "home" on the weekends can kill schoolwork time for me too.Then when I thought that was all the stress I can possibly endure...what hit me was finding out about my grandma in a coma and I didn't even know how long she was in the hospital because my Mom didn't want me to know until she finally did told me. It broke my heart so much and hit a low point for me. I came to realize during the days of torture that I hadn't cried so much since my Dad first got sick and I must of have broke down in tears everyday because tension won over me.Now,according to friday night, my grandma is sorta awake and my Mom told me she smiled when I was talking to her (but she couldn't answer back yet) I was so happy to know that and basically teared in happiness. I don't know how she is since then...but I really expect no more images/bad news anymore I hope.

I feel like the curse from last year has carried on into this school year and I really can't take it anymore. I never hated high school, but those weeks I couldn't stop thinking about how many people I missed and all the teachers who I thought were "terrible" are not as bad as my freakin hardcore compositioon professor I did have some days where it help me relieve stress...but I wish it be like that all the time and wouldn't be so complicated. Now, I don't feel well and I don't know if I have winter allergies or a possible cold but going to Composition gave me more stress to think about.

Its weird to think last year I tried my hardest to get into this college and thinking it would be better...but I don't know.The same problems caried over and I'm sad that I have to go through this again, except this time high school is not where I am. I hope all of you are having better days than me...I dont' want any sympathy if thats what you're thinking...but just needed to vent cuz sometimes I can't even do it as much anymore whenever I talk on the cell. If I had one wish, it would to just to have a hug/hugs right now from close people

Have a Happy Halloween tomorrow to all ,please be safe,and until then, peace~

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Wed, 04 Oct 2006 19:53:58 GMT

I'm at work right now and can't wait to get out and EAT

I've been having a major sore throat for the past 6 days I think (memory loss is kicking in again...) and since Monday I have lost my voice I blame my guy friend for this and he also got about 5 other people sick, and wanted to join me on kicking him the other day he keeps nagging me to drink lots-of- orange Juice...basically I've drank enough so far to the point I might "OD" on it,lol.But yep. And yesterday telling my supervisor about my sore throat doesn't really help considering I don't think she understands the meaning of me "straining" my voice" I shoulda known college doesn't put out much sympathy for you...whatever. I'm still like this, and might as well see how it goes. But I feel like I talk like a person who just smoked and have constantly repeated myself several times because people at work because people can't "hear" me.JOY.

This past weekend(besides the other work at home and my throat) I got to see some of my pals again and you peeps really made my days I am still in shock that I got to see Choyi and Sabah on saturday at work and I miss the hugs already from the Cho But still a great visit!Then this past Monday... the Wongs and the Rans came over and we chilled at IHOP for breakfast (too much food and Kevin you practically ate all my chicken!) and then back at the house to watch House of Wax (compliments of the katherine) and Just Friends...Just Friends I felt like I was gonna die because it was just too funny and the random song lyrics are still stuck in my headand the girl -talks later that night before all they left were just as good

I just felt great after seeing people again after for such awhile already, and hopefully another hangout will happen soon Till then, peace, and Ima see how much I can survive through this voice this week

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Thu, 28 Sep 2006 03:31:17 GMT

To a very special girlie today...

Happy 18th Birthday Choyi!

You are a wonderful person and there are just too many things that I have shared with you and I am forever cherished by all the great memories, and many more to come I hope you know that there are just too many peachy things that we have gone through and its not enough to mention it all in this entry. I know you're always there for me and I am here for you too. I hope today you have a great birthday and now you're finally LEGALlol,jkay CHO But stay forever sweet,crazy,fabulous,great,dandy(and much more).Have a wonderful birthday Choyi

If you can imagine this...I wish I can give you a big hug right now!

Sunday, September 03, 2006

Sun, 03 Sep 2006 18:12:45 GMT

I came back from my move-in day thing a couple hours ago from C.W. Post Unfortunately, I'm going to the familyfriend wedding event at 5pmish...so I don't get to see how its like @ Post for now.Plus since I came in around 11:15am, my roommate didn't arrive yet, so I assumed that Massacusetts is somewhat of a far drive. I feel bad that I can't get t know her today...but there's always tomorrowMy mom and I were completetly lost on finding my residence hall,until a nice truck driver guy came along and led the way So we unloaded stuff,and half the time she argued with me that I was too weak to carry stuff and she wouldn't let me carry the T.V.! Even though I was fine with picking it from the car...but she got a guy to help us. I could've done it AND walk up the stairs with it...she didn't believe meOther than that,I basically dumped my stuff in my room,claimed my bed(more like Mom claiming it for me),looked around,and gonna return back tomorrow to unload and meet my lovely roommate

I hope all has been well with all you people I realized the past month has still been hard for me about Tian Tian,but I'm somehow learning from my "denial"phase that its not ours anymore if any of you are wondering the results...I plan to come back every other weekend or sometimes to go to work,because my so-called "boss" wants customers to see a familiar face when they come in.But this doesn't mean that everything is back to normal...its so FAR from that..plus there's no such thing as "normal"...well,that's what I think. Anyways,and yesterday when I was there...I got paid.Now that was WEIRD to me.

My profile pic was takin last sunday when I was spending the day wth my cousins from MarylandAnd its also a lovely pick of Roger passin outSo thats what I call revenge I assume...hope you all like it and try to keep in on the DL because he doesn't know

I miss my friends that are in college/also that have started classes tooI have classes starting TuesdayBut I hope for you other peeps to have a good first day of school,and for those that have had classes so far..I hope that it's been swell and its used to adjusting to

Otherwise...HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY to SAMMI,WILL,JOHNSON,and VICKIE (sorry for the late notice and the lack of updating) Peace out homescouts~